Cuddles non grata (Kuma the blog returns from hiatus!)

Dear readers,

This is Kuma. The human has been regrettably putting off her blogging duties. She cites poor excuses such as “but I’m working so hard on your instagram already!” or “I am traveling all the time” or “the job has been stressing me out”. My favorite has got to be “I have my personal life too!” Silly human, your number one priority is Kuma. Your number two priority is Kuma. Your number three priority is ensuring a steady food and catnip supply for Kuma. The good news is that I have communicated my displeasure, and she will be back on blogging duties now.

Today I want to talk about cuddles, specifically cuddles non grata. The human, since day one, has been committing human-on-kitty cuddle crimes on the daily, and I have documented her atrocities.

The phantom cuddle

This usually comes with the human making weird swooshing sounds while bouncing me around. I don’t get it.

The face-too-close

Kill me.

The hold too tight

Too much body heat! Too much love! Too close! Offffff!

“Simba-ing”

Yes, this comes with the human singing any various tunes from the Lion King.

She really likes her Simba cuddle.

The nap disturber

Human, you shall not disturb my slumber. I was blissfully asleep 5 seconds ago.

Did I say face too close?

Complete disregard for my struggles.

I said that’s enough love!

Thank goodness I am a skilled escape artist. The human had it coming. I guess I have to work on a proper cuddle guideline for her now…

When will my sufferings end? #trainyourhuman

Kuma, over-sized and over-loved, very much unimpressed.

Bad Kitty! Kitty Crime Investigation 1

Location: under the bed

The Crime Scene

Victims: Storage cardboard boxes and one cat bed

Close up of what used to be the box for my fan

Collective view of all the victims

Suspects:

Kuma

Suspect 1: Kuma the fat cat

  • Personality: spoiled, self-centered, lazy
  • Defense: “human, I have better things to do than play with your silly boxes”
  • Alibi: none

Hanabi

Suspect 2: Hana the sweet kitty

  • Personality: sweet, loving, dog-like kitty
  • Defense: “mommy I love you!”
  • Alibi: none

Interrogation tactic: Force the suspects to look at the victims, hoping to elicit remorse

Kuma’s response: indifferent

Kuma with the Victims

Hana’s response:

Hanabi with the victims

Hanabi with the victims

HMM? Mroww? I don’t get it mommy..

CONTINUE MUTILATING THE CORPSES!!! MUAHAHA.. mrow..? Oh you’re filming this.. uhh… this never happened.

Conclusion: Hanabi, guilty.


 

Lori’s note:

I wasn’t sure when I would be moving again when I first moved in to the apartment. So I stored (hide) boxes under the bed. I decided recently to reorganize my stuff under the bed. DAMMIT CATS.