Cuddles non grata pt 2

Dear readers,

It frustrates me deeply that I have enough incriminating photos to even write a part 2 to the cuddles non grata series. I may even have enough for a part 3! Kuma is not pleased.

This human appeared out of nowhere. In the beginning, he respected my personal space, but the situation soon spiralled out of control…

It all started with an innocent photobomb

Just me and my majestic self, nothing to see. I am so much more handsome this doesn’t bother me one bit.

Then silly photobomb shenanigans escalated…

Look at me. Sometimes I just look in the mirror and ask myself “how can I be this pretty?” Wouldn’t you agree? Hey! Eyes back on me! Yes yes, the shirt is off, no one cares. Go away.

Then… The cuddles began

Dear diary, I can no longer pretend that the pesky, self-absorbed, photobombing human doesn’t exist anymore. I fear my humans are too stupid to understand the concept of personal space.

The cuddles quickly got out of hand.

Human. I am not a prop for your desperate attempts at gathering attention from the ladies. Unhand me now.

Is there no end to my suffering?

Send help please,

Behind the Scenes at Kuma not Impressed

Dear readers,

You get a special treat! I, Lord Kuma, has decided to take you to a behind the scenes tour of the Kuma blog’s work flow.

Step 1: Demand pets to draw the human’s attention to me

The human is regrettably very forgetful. She often ends up doing her own work rather than focusing on her one true priority — me. I must remind her of her blogging duties constantly.

Step 2: Bring the human to the work station

The key is to keep a watchful eye on the human. The subtle pressure of my commanding presence should keep the human nice and productive.

Step 3: Work hard with the human

This is starting to get dry

Step 4: Take a well deserved break

“Human, learn to type with one hand will ya? Kuma can’t pet himself. Attend to me, now.”

Step 5: Aww yesss

Step 6: Take a well deserved nap

All the lording and petting sure takes a toll on my energy. My life is so hard. Human, go take care of the rest of the blog post okay?

~Kuma, demanding and unforgiving

Lori’s note: It could be difficult coming up with funnies for the Kuma blog weekly. Kuma does not help productivity at all.

Kuma Home Alone (okay fine, Hana’s still around too)

Day 1.

The human failed to return home today. No matter, there is a human substitute servant in the quarters. The substitute pets me, feeds me, and dotes on me. This is nice.

Day 2.

Hana is panicking. She seems to think the human is dead. She whines and whines. Hmph, silly Hana. Who cares if there’s a steady food supply?

Day 4.

The sun has set, yet again. Where is the human? has she forgotten her duties with the great Kuma? Is she dead? Is she never coming back? I shall sit here. Guard the door. When she comes back, I’ll give her a piece of my mind.


Day 5.

Ack, the other human in the house is feeding me. I swear she’s doing it wrong. It tastes completely different. I don’t feel like eating…. I don’t feel like playing…. I don’t feel like doing anything really…

Day 6.

At last! Mommy is back!

I mean… egh it’s the pesky human again… I must work on a guideline on how to prevent the human from ever leaving us again. Where do you think you’re going hm? Drop the luggage now.

Lori’s note: When I travel, my roommate feeds and takes care of my cats. According to her, Kuma gets separation anxiety. Please cat, you can pretend you’re a badass, you can pretend you don’t like cuddles, but you know you love me ← crazy cat lady here.

While Hana is a super loving cat to everyone, she is very attached to me. When I’m not around, she doesn’t approach other people, and just wallows in her room.

I feel loved <3 Whoever tells you cats don’t care about their owners obviously never cared for one before.

Remember, I am judging you ~ Kuma’s signature looks

Ever wonder where the name Kuma Not Impressed came from? It is because I, Kuma, have perfected the kingly look of disdain. It may just be a look, but alas not ever cat has the gift. The trick is to really embrace the disdain and thoroughly judge your subjects from head to toe. Here are some of my signature looks for your reference. Think of this as your lording 101 guide.

The one eyebrow raised look

I first discovered this look when I saw Hana strutting around like she’s all that. One of my favorite judge-y looks, as it is applicable in almost every situation.

The loaf of wrath

My human mistakenly think that cat loafs are “omgah so cute so adorable so cuddly”. This is a reminder that even when in loaf form, Kuma is better than you. The trick to this look is the subtle airplane ears.

The throne

I will always be looking down on you, even when I am not on my throne. You will always be subservient and disappointing.

The very important “how dare you disturb my slumber” look

This one is almost always directed at the human, who somehow thinks that it’s appropriate to bury her face in my fur when I’m napping.

The quintessential I am sorely disappointed look

Another one of my favorites applicable in many situations.
This is my go to look to let my human know I am very much not impressed. Not impressed with the feeding schedule. Not impressed with catnip dosage. Not impressed with choice of kitty roommate (ugh Hana!). Just not impressed.

Hana tried to replicate my sharp, judging, lording eyes.

“Kuma Kuma! I practiced! How does this look?” ~ Hana the adorable.

No, just… no. I guess not everyone’s born to rule like me.