10 Things about Kuma

Dear readers,

For my fans both old an new, I want to properly introduce myself again, so you could all get better acquainted your lord and entertainer. Here are 10 fun facts about Kuma that you may not know about before.

1. In a different life, my name was Garrett

I adopted the human at the Linden Friends of Animals shelter. She decided to call me Kuma. I like the name Kuma. Kingly, stately — fitting for a kitty of my stature. Who the heck names a cat Garrett??

Kuma Adoption Papers

2. Before I poop, I must announce the exciting news to all my minions.

I will run excitedly all around the apartment. Poop is coming! poop is coming! MRROW! Poop is coming! OOOF that felt GREAT.

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3. One word: Marshmallows

No words. I don’t know what goes into these delightful little nibbles. Simply delectable. I am not ashamed to say that I would do tricks for a pretty morsel of marshmallow.

4. Textures.

If there’s ANYTHING on the floor that is a different texture, I will put half my body on it. Magazine? Done. Paper? Already on it. Human’s laptop case? Excellent. 

5. It takes 3 full grown humans to trim my claws.

I can’t stand it. If they want my beautiful claws to be shorter, they have to work for it. 

6. I have a distinctive “protest meow”

I have no trouble communicating my displeasure to my human slaves. Slow on food?  Same toy again? Unwanted cuddles? Meow meow meow meow meow. I will get my way.

7. I am very smart.

I mean, this may be stating the obvious. You get a glimpse into my clever, witty mind from my instagram. But did you know I’m also crafty? I can open drawers and cabinets. And to this day my human has no idea how I manage to open her bathroom door too.

8. UTI

One of those extremely unfortunate conditions I have suffered from. Sometimes when my human slave disappears for too long, I get stressed. When I get stressed, I get UTI. I am happy to report that my human slave has done a multitude of things to insure that the UTI never happens again.

9. I have a beautiful double coat.

I shed like a monster, and love the pampered feeling of a good grooming session.


The subsequent Trump-ing is unnecessary, human.

10. I have a needy needy human that needs an uncomfortable amount of cuddles.

See previous posts Cuddles non Grata for details. Grr…

That’s it for now! I am such an interesting, sophisticated kitty I’m sure I missed an interesting fact or two. Follow me on my Instagram and my blog to learn more about me.

~Kuma

Behind the Scenes at Kuma not Impressed

Dear readers,

You get a special treat! I, Lord Kuma, has decided to take you to a behind the scenes tour of the Kuma blog’s work flow.

Step 1: Demand pets to draw the human’s attention to me

The human is regrettably very forgetful. She often ends up doing her own work rather than focusing on her one true priority — me. I must remind her of her blogging duties constantly.

Step 2: Bring the human to the work station

The key is to keep a watchful eye on the human. The subtle pressure of my commanding presence should keep the human nice and productive.

Step 3: Work hard with the human

This is starting to get dry

Step 4: Take a well deserved break

“Human, learn to type with one hand will ya? Kuma can’t pet himself. Attend to me, now.”

Step 5: Aww yesss

Step 6: Take a well deserved nap

All the lording and petting sure takes a toll on my energy. My life is so hard. Human, go take care of the rest of the blog post okay?

~Kuma, demanding and unforgiving


Lori’s note: It could be difficult coming up with funnies for the Kuma blog weekly. Kuma does not help productivity at all.