Dear readers,

Everyone has bad days — you run out of catnip, the human wakes you up for unwanted cuddles, tuna flavor all wrong, etc. It’s rough being a cat you know! You can let these slices of lemons get you down, or if you’re the great Kuma, you give them one big old sassy “f you” to the face. The great Kuma lives by the words: “If life gives you lemons, you take a poop on the lemons and give them a piece of your mind.”

I have gathered some of my favorite Kuma-isms (™ pending) and compiled them into this blog post.

“I’ve stopped listening. Why haven’t you stopped talking?” ~Kuma

A photo posted by Kuma the Great Kitty (@kumanotimpressed) on

~Kuma, so sassy so badass

Lori’s note: I hope these put a big smile on your face. Whatever’s bothering you, strut it off! Channel your inner sassy Kuma attitude.

You are entitled to your opinions. I just don’t care about them.

Don Kuma Cat Pickup Lines Part 1

Dear readers,

Hello this is Kuma. As the winter progresses, I feel the need to get back on track with #ProjectKumaDates… Over the past couple of months, I have been coming up with funny, clever pickup lines that will sure impress any lady out there! I have been sporadically sharing them on instagram. Now you can find them all in one place! I don’t particularly need them as my good looks speak for themselves, so this one is for all you less fortunate suckers out there. I’m so generous.

Let’s start with beginners level, cute pickup lines…

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Ahh you see what I did there? Bait them in with the first one, then BAM go for the kill with the second one. You’re welcome.

You want to convince her that she’s your special snowflake

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Females love feeling special. So make her feel special.

Make clever analogies, kitties love clever analogies

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See how cute the analogies are? You are sure the make an impression with your wit!

It seems like I’ve come up with more clever pickup lines than one post can hold! Stay tuned for part 2 tomorrow. Now go practice.

~Don Kuma, ladies man, pleased with himself


Cuddles non grata pt 2

Dear readers,

It frustrates me deeply that I have enough incriminating photos to even write a part 2 to the cuddles non grata series. I may even have enough for a part 3! Kuma is not pleased.

This human appeared out of nowhere. In the beginning, he respected my personal space, but the situation soon spiralled out of control…

It all started with an innocent photobomb

Just me and my majestic self, nothing to see. I am so much more handsome this doesn’t bother me one bit.

Then silly photobomb shenanigans escalated…

Look at me. Sometimes I just look in the mirror and ask myself “how can I be this pretty?” Wouldn’t you agree? Hey! Eyes back on me! Yes yes, the shirt is off, no one cares. Go away.

Then… The cuddles began

Dear diary, I can no longer pretend that the pesky, self-absorbed, photobombing human doesn’t exist anymore. I fear my humans are too stupid to understand the concept of personal space.

The cuddles quickly got out of hand.

Human. I am not a prop for your desperate attempts at gathering attention from the ladies. Unhand me now.

Is there no end to my suffering?

Send help please,

Kuma the Narcissist

Hello readers, it’s Kuma this week. I read Hana’s funny funny post last week. I will deal with her insubordination in due time. Today is all about me though.
The human told the story of Narcissus, a Greek god who fell in love with his own beautiful reflection. I believe this “Narcissus” guy must be my mythological soulmate (minus the drowning himself part, I’m smarter than that). I too, get caught off guard at my own beauty all the time.

I believe I constantly get away with mischief due to my perfectly devilishly handsome face. How can anyone resist a face like this?

I have 99 problems but a pretty face ain’t one. Human, you may need makeup, but the great Kuma is going au naturale.

On great hair days like this, I just don’t know what to do with myself. Perfect face, perfect fluff. The human just can’t help herself but offer up more tuna.

I think that as a society, we are too consumed by media and don’t notice the beauty of the world around us. Beauty like me. Really, human, why do you need this shiny TV when you can just look at me and pet me and feed me and indulge me?

Mirror mirror on the wall, I know I’m the fairest of them all. That is all.

~Kuma, a bit self-absorbed